The Letter
by TheGrandTour
Summary: Harry and Ruth. Harry has received a letter. This is his answer.


The Letter

_**Disclaimer: All characters in this work of fan fiction are owned by Kudos and BBC.**_

**Title: ****THE LETTER**

**Written by: TheGrandTour **

**and a wonderful beta from****: ThamesHouse**

_Time: A few days after the ending of series 6_

_Place: Harry's study_

_Character: Harry_

_**Harry**__** has received a letter… this is his answer**_

Dearest Ruth,

Finally... a letter from you. At last a sign that gave me back the eyes, the smile and the voice of my day dreams and sleepless lonely nights. At last I have your words to tell me that you're alive and thinking about me; your words to make me realise I'm still alive.

Oh yes, I remember our one and only date; our dinner when I tried shyly and awkwardly to open up my heart to you. I tried to tell you that you were, you _are_, the most perfect companion that I never even dared to dream I would find, but we were in the middle of an operation. The fight between the Grand Tour and a thermobaric bomb was won, one more time, by my, by _our_, sense of duty … but this time was once too much.

I remember each and every moment in our lives when I thought that maybe we would have a chance together. I remember that day on the bus, when you gave me the memory stick I wanted, and the feeling of your hand in mine, like a tender caress. I remember your eyes on me, filled with tenderness, maybe more than tenderness, when you discovered your Birthday gift near the water cooler. I remember our talk in the corridor after I asked you to break down Angela Wells, when I told you about "self control and self denial". You have no idea how much I now regret that at that precious moment, when we were just the two of us, I didn't overstep my own rules; that my sense of duty, as always, took precedence over my own wants and needs.

You're in New York? That's good. "My spirit won the battle against yours" you wrote. You say that you've chosen New York to get a fresh start. You needed a new continent for a new beginning. If only I could have been this new beginning! Why did you leave me? Why did you have to sacrifice yourself for me? You didn't tell me... you _wouldn't _tell me...that morning on the dockside. "Let's leave it as something wonderful that was never said". And I said nothing.

It's a terrifying souvenir of our last moments together. I was fascinated by you...I was mesmerised by your eyes... I was shuddering as you cupped my face with your hands... I was overwhelmed by my tenderness for you and… I remained silent.

You kissed me and my heart jumped at the feeling of your lips on mine as I had you in my embrace. Three words...I had three words to tell you to change our lives… and I said nothing.

As you boarded that barge I stood motionless, realising that you were the only one true love of my life. I felt my heart break and watched my reason for being leave me as you sailed away, while my mind and heart were shouting the words I hadn't found the courage to tell you.

Tonight, like each night since you left, I will tell you with every ounce of my being, with all my willing and all my hope, that one day we will be reunited. I will tell you the three words I should have said to make you stay: I love you… I still love you and I always will… I will love you forever.

I would like my words to reach you and touch you across the ocean, in this city you've chosen for your new life. You might laugh at me...this old man talking about love after months of parting... but I still hope that you haven't given up this "something wonderful" between us.

On the dock, I told you "I don't know what I'll do without you Ruth". Now I _do_ know. You've sacrificed your life to let me do my job, but I can't do it without you, not anymore. You were, and you are still, the reason why I could fight; the reason I could still believe in the human race and I could deal with betrayal and death. Without you I'm not the same man, and sometimes I hate myself for what I do and what I've done.

If you want me to do the job, if you want to make a sense of your sacrifice, you have to help me, Ruth. Come back to me. I know a way to clear your name and to give you a new start. Would you like to come back to your country… and to me?

I know it must sound selfish, and I know I'm talking about _my_ wants and _my_ needs, but I lost you when I kept silent so now I want you to know my feelings; what my life is without you in it. I need you in my life, and I will do anything to embrace you and to kiss you again.

As I'm writing, Fidget is lying on the desk and on your letter. She has probably recognised your smell and she's curled on it to keep it close to her heart, as I have done since I received it. She's playing with my pen – maybe she would like to write to you too. Does she know I'm writing to you and does she want to tell you the things that I want to tell you? She misses you; and I miss you, so much.

Tomorrow morning I will do my duty. I will go to the Grid, do business as usual, and I will begin to wait… to wait for you. I'm already waiting.

I will not wait more than a hundred years...maybe one and a hundred years.

You're my reason for being.

To you, my life,

Harry

_**What will be Ruth's answer? A letter? Would she be on the first flight to London?**___

_**What would be your answer?**_

_**Fan fic writers, I know you like**__** a challenge...this is a new one. Maybe some of you may fancy sharing your answer with us… **_


End file.
